question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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