i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
They are going to name an STD after you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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