but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
