walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
