True but thats because hes a fetus.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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