Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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