so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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