I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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