Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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