i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
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Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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