I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize