did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
