high people should be assigned attendants
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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