We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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