I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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