Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
