I think I am morally bankrupt
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
