did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
