i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
