I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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