when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
