Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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