I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
