I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize