I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
