bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
