dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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