Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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