Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
