I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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