Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
