My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
