3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
