My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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