We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
