omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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