Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
