the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
