Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
