her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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