I'm jealous of your bromance
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
