ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
