I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
