Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
