Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
