totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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