Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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