I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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