Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
