I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
