we're blogging at a bar
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
