yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
