dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
