Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
