her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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