She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
