Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I supernannyed him into submission
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
