This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
