We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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