I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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