someone threw a dead crab at me
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
