so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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