I have demons in me.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
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I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
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today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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