I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
